Dealing with anxiety is not a Joke and research indicates that 3.6% of the global population has anxiety disorder. So, there is a good chance that you might be surrounded by someone who is dealing with this issue. And if they happen to be your friend, loved one or colleagues, you would certainly like to help them. Therefore, it is of utmost importance to know what to say and what to avoid. Here are some of the phrases we need to avoid when someone is dealing with anxiety:
Don’t overthink!
Telling someone to stop overthinking is not going to help them, instead it implies that they are incapable of or choose not to control their anxiety. Instead put your listening ears on, hear their concerns and feelings without trying to provide solutions. Just say’ I am here to help and you’re safe’.
“Stop Worrying“
When we see someone we love or care is suffering or going through a hard time, our instinct kicks in and we try to fix the situation for them. But the irony is that anxiety disorders don’t have an easy fix because mostly the thoughts are focused on worst case scenarios. In a process of trying to soothe someone’s anxiety by telling them not to worry often invalidates their feelings and frustrates them more. Instead try to be understanding, empathetic and patient. And ask them if they want you to do something to divert their mind?
Ignore it or let it go!
Anxiety is not something that comes to you with a choice, so it’s very insensitive to say to ignore it or let it go to the person who is dealing with it. Instead try saying something like ‘ This is tough but I know we will get through this together’ or ‘ you can do it, I am here with you’.
Be Positive or it’s Ok!
Since childhood we keep on hearing a lot about positivity. We think that it’s easy just to be optimistic in order to overcome anxious thoughts. But it takes a lot of effort and support to train your brain. Therefore, this phrase is of no use. Instead just be open, calm, present and supportive.
Stop thinking. It’s all in your head!
All the emotions and sensories are heightened when you get an anxiety attack and a little sound, word or even human presence can affect you badly. Indeed, thoughts and fears all originate in our head, but even knowing that doesn’t make it any easier to stop thinking anxious thoughts. So, telling them it’s not real, will make the situation worse. As per experts try “grounding technique” which is to ask them to choose something in their immediate surroundings to focus on, then ask them to use their senses to describe what they see, hear, touch, smell, and taste. This helps distract them from their worries and pull them back into the present moment. There is no guarantee that it will work but it’s worth a try!
Having had a real life experience, my point here is to make you understand that even if you are making the effort to help someone just BE PATIENT, it takes time, they may still struggle, and in those moments, they don’t need a solution but just your love, acceptance, and support.
We all learn along the way, I did too! So, If you’ve said some of these things in the past, don’t feel guilty, just be there and support your loved ones. That’s all they need!
Must read books about Anxiety and Depression: The noonday Demon; The Happiness Trap; Feeling Good